“We’re not a family. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be!” yells a teen at her parents.
“I don’t want to be here anymore!” screams a teen at his parents.
“Nothing is fair in this house! Nothing!” explodes the teen for the nth time in two weeks.
It’s curious behavior of first world adolescents to not be happy in their home environments… assuming the basic necessities plus are met. Seemingly, at some point, adolescents have some um…grumbling to do during these years.
Grumbling.
Complaining.
Exploding.
Huffing and puffing. (These two always go together, right?)
“Whatever” sarcasm stating.
Protesting.
Objecting.
Oh the looooong list of the maaaaaany different forms of moaning to what is perceived as unwanted, unfair, and uncool is what most parents of teens experience to some degree of intensity.
(BTW, middle school teachers experience all of this, too!)
The honest truth is teens are very talented in the complaining category. They can demoralize their adults in five seconds or less. They can clearly state how they are perceiving their worlds with profound articulation.
Or, can they?
At moments like this is when parental behind-the-scenes viewing is so important. 
This is when parental creation is needed.
It’s not fixing. It’s creation.
Note: Fixing would be reserved for meeting the basic necessities plus. If outbursts are ongoing, professional assistance is definitely warranted.
Assisting Your Teen To Articulate
Understanding that there is SO much more to whatever is being skunked , spewed, and sprayed all over you, look behind the explosion to the real reason for the explosion. It is your parental opportunity to assist your teen to articulate what is bothering him.
Be A Selfish Parent!
Doing this is a veeeeerrrry positively selfish thing to do. It will not only assist your child, but also create a better home environment. Instead of reacting to the explosion, teach your child how to listen to her Divine Wisdom that came with her…actually, it’s inside each of her cells…to reveal what her Soul is trying to communicate.
Our Souls are always trying to communicate. It is of interest that only a part of the Soul is in the body. Always connected, the larger Soul, often referred to the Oversoul, is outside of the body. It’s divinely created this way to be helpful to those spirits in bodies on life journeys trying to have the best experiences right now. Living in a body is quite dense so part of the Soul lives outside of the body, but always connected to each cell.
When the Soul communicates and is not adhered to, listened to, or even acknowledged, it gets louder and louder. I can tell when this happens because things in my life get exaggerated like my dreams are more vivid or I’ll wake up in a grumpy mood for no apparent reason. Life isn’t punishing me. My Soul wants to communicate!
It’s at these times (grumpy mood or explosion of emotions), that meditation is the cure. For some people, meditation looks like sitting with legs crossed on a pillow. For others, meditation looks like running a few miles. No matter the style, meditation is a slowing down of the brain’s thoughts to the point the Soul can be heard.
And, I can hear you say, “Yeah, right. My child will never meditate!”
The truth is lots of teens do meditate. Take one look into Transcendental Meditation to see how it is being implemented in schools, and you’ll see kids not only responding to meditation but craving it. You’ll see whole school environments shifting into positive places to learn.
It’s a mindset about meditation. Meditation and the stigma and the understanding about it have come a long way. It’s not just for gurus anymore. It’s for everyone. (Always has been and always will be.) And, it’s hip to do it. It’s cool to meditate. People talk about it now like deciding what flavor of ice cream to have for dessert. Daily meditation is essential.
If you still don’t like the word meditation, replace it with quiet time, Soul communication, or Divine Wisdom connection.
Meditation can be done in 30 seconds, in a bathroom stall, during a test, while yogaing, spending time with a pet, mowing the yard, or while washing dishes. Truth is meditation can be done all day long once the practice of connection is made.
In such a state of connection, Divine Wisdom comes through. Your child’s outbursts are the Soul wanting to speak.
100% Parental Opportunity.
Think of the yelling, screaming, and exploding as parental opportunity for creation.
Think of the yelling, screaming, and exploding as parental opportunity for creating something different.
For doing normal family life in new normal ways.
For recognizing that opportunity for change is front and center.
What is your child really saying? What is the screaming really all about? What is the door slamming really communicating?
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.
I used to repeat this to my daughter often: Grumpy people are grumpy for a reason. Nice people are nice for a reason.
The truth is grumpy people are grumpy inside. Their Souls are feeling off, weird, uncomfortable, and well, yucky. What is inside comes out. What people carry around inside of them…in their thoughts, beliefs, and feelings…is on display for others to witness, and it’s uncomfortable for everyone.
Nice people – is it obvious now? – are feeling wonderful inside. They feel peaceful. They believe life is good. They understand what challenges are. What people carry around inside of them…in their thoughts, beliefs, and feelings…is on display for others to witness. In this case, these people attract the good stuff of life.
So, it makes sense to look beyond the explosion to seek what is really going on. Meditation is the path to this kind of parent – child communication vs. yelling back, telling your child that the behavior is not acceptable, or other forms of behavioral manipulation. Shutting down communication will only postpone the need for Soul/Divine Wisdom revelation. At some point, everyone’s Soul will need to speak. Why not now?
Ponder The Options!
Example 1: If your child complains about wanting new clothes, how can you use creation to make a fuller and up-to-date wardrobe happen? What does her Soul say about this subject? Does she do work to earn pay to buy clothes? Does she consign existing clothes? Does she learn to sew new clothes? Does she volunteer in exchange for pay from her parents? Does she earn pay for kindness, caring, completing chores, finishing homework, and being pleasant? Does she start a business?
Example 2: If your child screams about not having any fun, how can you use creation to make fun happen? What does his Soul say about this subject? What specific activities does he want? Does he want to learn to fly an airplane? Ride a horse? How to kayak? How to live in the wild? All activities carry either a positive or negative energy. If it is a social activity with the possibility of illegal substances without parental knowledge or presence, how does this feel at his (and your) Soul level? How can socializing be done with positive energy?
Example 3: If your child throws his book bag across the room and then slams the door to his bedroom, how can you use creation to make him not only peaceful again, but address the anxiety issue that caused the book bag’s toss and the door’s slam to to avoid future explosions? What does his Soul say about these actions? If the cause is educational stress, can he create a plan? Can he create a plan and share it with his teachers? Can he create a plan and share it with you and then his teachers? What other educational avenues are there that might be better for him? Can you see how you, the parent, can help? Can a tutor assist?
In this last example, shutting down communication doesn’t solve the issue at all. Telling this already stressed and out of balance teen that his behavior isn’t acceptable and putting a punishment on him will only add to the anxiety. Finding out what his Soul is relating through the book bag throwing and the door slamming to utilize creation is the solution.
When I write, you always have options with everything, I mean it. Need parental help? Look at my website to see if we’re a match: www.lizabethjenkinsdale.com.
