Do you remember your first firsts?
First day of life
First drink, breath, and cry
First poop
First…
Firsts are quite a valuable tool for your child (or you!) dealing with challenges. Firsts are powerful reminders of what one is capable of prior to and in the midst of a “rough and tough” situation. Keeping your child’s firsts front and center in your parental toolbox is a great strategy for all of the Can I really do this? moments of life.
Personal Example…
It’s 6:45 am and I am walking down the sidewalk for the first time ever as a middle school teacher headed to the front door of a “rough and tough” school in January.
Yes, January.
The principal greeting me with a laughing smile and said, “You’ll get used to it.”
Used to what?
The (seemingly) ungodly hour to begin work?
Middle schoolers?
What the h— had I agreed to?
I was shifting to middle school from teaching second graders. Second graders! And only about 20 of them! Now, I was about to meet approximately 130 sixth graders in a strange building with new-to-me staff in the middle of the school year.
What happened to their teacher? Why did she leave? Maybe this is a bad idea….
Six Months Prior
Back up six months to one of my master’s level college classes and a voice in my head that said, “If she can do it, I can do it.”
Yup. That’s what I heard inside my noggin’. And, I acted upon it – hence, walking down the school’s sidewalk.
Being a “free agent” teacher – meaning, I had no teaching contract – meant I could teach anywhere. I hadn’t renewed my contact from the previous year. I needed time to think. As I continued my masters of education classes, I observed the other teachers. What did they teach? Were they happy at that grade level? At their schools?
The truth is: some were happy, and some weren’t. I listened instead of speaking regarding my experiences because, after six years teaching second graders, I was giving myself the gift of time to ponder my teaching career options.
And, that’s when I kept hearing this one teacher talk about her middle school teaching experiences at this one particular school. I knew the school’s location and reputation. Not the best part of town. Low economic. It was a stay-away-from-this-school-at-all-costs type of school. Surprisingly, there was nothing in me that said, “STAY AWAY!!”
Nope. I heard, “If she can do it, I can do it.”
It was one of those schools that always had openings. You know…the school that only the beginning teachers start at and leave as soon as they have experience for a better teaching environment. It was a transient school. A rough and tough school. A school with a not-so-good reputation. Stressful. Undesirable. Not optimal. You get the idea.
So why did I find myself headed inside to a position four grade levels above what I had been teaching filling a vacated position in the middle of the school year?
The only answer I had was that mysterious voice. “If she can do it, I can do it.”
I was looking for a career change, and boy, did I find it.
I was looking for an age group change, and boy, did I find it.
I was looking for a challenge, and boy, did I find it. (As if teaching second graders wasn’t challenging already!)
But, there was a Soul calling. The excitement of the challenge called to me. Again, “If she can do it, I can do it,” spoke loudly. Why? Why was there no resistance to what I know would be a super challenging work position?
All these years later, I can tell you why.
Fast forward to present day, and those moments in that building were the foundation for the second half of my teaching career. I stayed teaching in middle schools for 10 years.
AND, having had that experience at that intensely challenging teaching position, I look at my current day challenges with different eyes than someone who might see my current day challenges as overwhelming.
Different Eyes
Now walking into a public speaking gig? Nothing compared to walking into that middle school building with new sounds, new people, new hallways, new procedures, new cultures, new everything and somehow surviving that first day…first week…first month…
Speaking at conventions? Nothing compared to observing the different ways parents and relatives discipline their young. These situations alone have produced my strong urge for understanding Who We Really Are and to share how to be a co-creative parent vs. the outdated, traditional, top-down parent. (These two pieces of information make all the difference not only in the world, but in every single household.)
Writing an article or book? Nothing compared to knowing that all of those 130 middle schoolers looking at me knew the school’s routines waaaaaay better than I did and could lie to me about procedures when I asked that first day.
Creating online videos? Nothing compared to having multiple rough and tough students test my position in the classroom every single day.
PIE – Perspective is Everything – definitely plays a part of everyone’s everyday life, yes?
In my first book, Middle School Years Without Tears: Getting Ready (At Any Time) for Wonderful, Awesome, Successful, and Thrilling Middle School Experiences, (https://a.co/d/09A15UkM) I encourage listing all of your child’s firsts. After creating a looooooong list of firsts from the beginning of your child’s life, how can your child not be filled with confidence about whatever is yet to come?
Firsts
First day of life
First drink, breath, and cry
First poop
First time rolling over
First time sitting
First time standing
First time crawling
First time walking
First words
First time using scissors
First time using glue
First time at school
First time singing
First time riding a bike
First time going to a friend’s house
First time sleeping over at a friend’s house
First time staying with grandparents
First time in kindergarten
First time in first grade
First time moving to a new home
First time moving to a new town
First time cleaning
First time playing soccer
First time writing a report
First time giving a class presentation
First time seeing snow 
First time being hurt by a friend
First time finding a new friend
First time going to a day camp
First time going to an overnight camp
First time playing basketball
First time…
Ongoing List
Keep the list going and going and going for years. Add to the list as an ongoing basis. Use the list when you see your child doubting abilities to do ________________.
What a fabulous gift to give your child!
Do I remember walking into that school when I have a current challenge? Yes, I do.
Do I remember my first day of teaching (first graders) when I have a current roadblock? Yes, I do.
Do I remember me having to tell others that they can’t be in my life because they are no longer beneficial relationships when I have a current situation that seems impossible? Yes, I do.
Do I often refer to what challenges I have had to do previously that have led me to this point in my life as a supportiveYou can do this! wall of confidence? Yes, I do.
This is part of living in The Land of Possibility. When challenges arise, it is immediately known that they will always be for benefit. It is immediately known that there will be growth benefits. It is immediately known that whatever is happening is happening for benefit.
Living knowing that all challenges are helpful challenges and knowing benefits of rough and tough situations exist is a great place to live!
When I write, you always have options with everything, I mean it. Need parental help? Look at my website to see if we’re a match: www.lizabethjenkinsdale.com.
