Basically, there are two types of angry people encounters.
(1) There are those we interact with across the gas station store counter, through a fast food drive through window, or across the grocery store conveyor belt, but, most likely, we will never see them again. In that kind of situation, we can smile, send love, and go about our businesses.
(2) The other type of angry people encounter is the type that includes people in our lives on a more consistent basis. These are the ones who we can’t leave behind at the restaurant, the clothing store, or the doctor’s office. No, we see these angry people on a regular basis whether that be once a year at Christmas, once a week at a family event, or every day at work among other scenarios. 
What The Heck? For the non-angry person interacting with an angry person, it is an experience of quandary to say the least. A variety of reactions are possible with displayed anger (1) in person (possibility within one to two feet) (2) on the phone or (3) via electronic devices such as emails, texts, and social media outlets.
A first reaction to anger might be to leave the scene. Certainly, this is vitally important for safety reasons. Anger usually burns out or turns to physical exhaustion after explosions so sometimes this is best done without others present for the safety of the observers. Use wise discretion. Angry people tend to burn out quicker if there’s not an audience for them to “skunk” or spew all over.
A second reaction to an angry person might be aggressive thoughts like, What is his problem? He’s an asshole. This reaction may cause a continuation of negative interactions if these thoughts are verbalized prompting additional, explosive exchanges.
Another reaction can be a “turtle” reaction as in suddenly becoming stiff and still with shallow breathing while quietly and quickly retreating into a personal mental “shell.” This kind of reaction may create the war zone-like experience of shellshock. Even the smallest interaction may induce this reaction to sensitive types.
Yet, another reaction could be to watch, observe, and wait for it to pass without too much emotion. This is rarer than the other responses.
Sarcasm anyone? Another response would be to utilize sarcasm or humor to defuse the situation. It’s a tricky response, however. First, a person has to have the talent of sarcasm or humor in tense situations. And, second, it could backfire and make the angry person even angrier.
There are as many responses to an angry person as there are people on Earth. BUT, what is universally important for everyone on this planet in borrowed bodies on life journeys trying to have the best experiences right now is to discover what is really happening, what is behind the situation, and the big picture regarding anger.
- These discoveries are more important than having the best comeback ever to an angry person.
- These ideals are more important than having a response to one-up the angry person.
- These statements are more important than being right, defending that rightness, and telling the angry person why he or she is wrong for being angry.
Universal Understanding. In all cases of anger being displayed in negative ways, the universal understanding is that an angry person is in need of help. Simple. True. Factual. This person is demonstrating his or her imbalance. The angry person has been prompted into this state, it has created an imbalance, and outward anger is on display.
How Anger Happens. We humans come into these bodies from an existence of unconditional love/no contrast with complete balance as babies. From day one, we begin to interact with the divinely constructed Earth’s contrast (full range of love from none to 100%), and lose, to varying degrees, the experience of full balance.
When we lose that full love, full balance, full unconditional experience, and full happiness by being in our bodies, it feels off to say the least. For those who lose their balance in big ways, it feels really awful. We all have an innate knowingness or an innate remembrance in all of our cells that balance is our true state, so when it isn’t fully experienced, we all feel…well, weird.
Some people handle this uncomfortableness better than others. So when we bump into an angry person or are in the repeated presence of someone who displays anger, we can train ourselves to have the automatic response to remember the following universal truths:
- This person feels off.
- This person is experiencing imbalance.
- This person is trying to find balance.
- This person needs help to find balance since he or she can’t do it alone.
- This person’s behavior is a cry for help.
Notice that none of the above statements say anything about the people who are observing the angry person. Anger is always about the angry person.
It takes love – universal love – to remember and understand the above five points when in the presence of an angry person. The energy of anger is quite potent and can yank most of us out of our happy statuses instantly.
Training. It takes a yearning to train oneself into a response of love, remembrance, and understanding of the bigger picture of anger. The reward of this training is ginormous, colossal, mammoth. To live one’s life in control never being emotionally tossed about by an angry person is understatedly huge. It’s an elevated status to live. Being calm in the presence of an angry person is beneficial to both the non-angry person and the angry person.
Regarding the training…to automatically shift into remembering the five points takes a willingness to let go of one’s need to be right in the moment of an anger attack. It takes love to instantly shift into compassion for the imbalanced person.
Stage Metaphor. Anger is the stage with actors and actresses on it displaying the aftereffects of anger for the audience to witness the interactions. Imagine sitting in a theater seat observing the stage exhibiting angry exchanges. Your eyes are focused on one person being angry and the other actors and actresses reacting to the anger. Are they responding with frustration? Yelling? Now, the whole stage is full of anger, yes?
With such a negatively potent experience, all else disappears. Sitting on the edge of your seat, your laser sharp focus is on the stage. What will happen next? How will it escalate? How will it end? Will it end?
During all of this high emotionally-charged commotion, the question now is, “What happening behind the stage?”
Whoaaaaa. THAT is where a play really originates! Behind the stage is really where all plays are produced! Behind the stage is where all what the audience sees on the stage commences!
So, now the questions are, “What is behind anger? What is causing the anger? Where does the anger stem from?” WHY is the big question to answer!
Training oneself to shift immediately and automatically from the stage to the backstage allows those to live with emotional freedom from angry people.
Utilizing “There’s something behind the anger, and it does not have anything to do with me,” mindset is tremendously empowering. Then, the need for retaliation or a rebuttal doesn’t exist. Loving understanding and compassion are the focuses.
Next Steps. Because we can’t just stay in the knowing there’s a problem, we need to have a plan. When the person has calmed down, the next steps are to (if and when it is safe to do so):
- Ask the person how they are feeling.
- Ask the person what is it that is really causing the anger.
- Have ongoing conversations.
- Utilize professional assistance.
These questions begin the journey to the backstage of the anger. Quite honestly, it’s a scary choice for an angry person to do. Revealing, exploring, and discovering the source of one’s anger takes courage. Lots of courage. There probably will be resistance.
It is through this exploring, however, that the angry person can then release the source of the anger thus resulting in freedom to choose a different response to feeling off balanced.
All of this takes time, love, and compassion for the angry person. Without intervention, the angry person stays angry. No change is made. The anger can grow. Time, love, and compassion are gifts to give to the angry person. They are gifts of freedom to all those involved.
Categories. Angry people are often labeled as bullies. The five statements
- This person feels off.
- This person is experiencing imbalance.
- This person is trying to find balance.
- This person needs help to find balance since he or she can’t do it alone.
- This person’s behavior is a cry for help.
apply to not only bullies, but to additional categories of imbalanced people: gossipers, cheaters, manipulators, narcists, and power-hungry among others. Intervention is not only loving, but necessary so that the anger doesn’t become a mental illness, obsessive, and psychotic.
Resources. Utilizing trained professionals to assist with the path back to balance is a strong suggestion. Not only are they trained and experienced to help with angry people, but they deflect the complete responsibility from those in the anger’s firing range to help. Words of love and understanding can’t always be heard by the angry person from the one trying to offer a path to balance. A counselor has a better chance of being heard and understood.
Truth. We are going to bump into angry people provoked and unprovoked. It’s unavoidable. What we all need are the life skills to deal with it when it happens…because it will.
Benefit. The angry people in my life, both present and past, are and have been really good teachers. They have taught me essential lessons. I have dived into the anger subject because of them. Without the anger experiences, I would not have educated myself. Without the anger interaction, I would not have trained myself to have a reaction of compassion and understanding. Without the anger interaction, I would not have been able to gather all of the human to human interaction wisdom I have now. I would not have experienced what it is to live with a victim mindset, go to counseling, and to free myself of the anger chains.
It is because of my personal experiences that I understand the why behind anger. I understand the imbalance they are experiencing. And, I purposely trained myself to shift into love, understanding, and compassion (pretty) consistently. Truth, it’s sometimes hard. Because of my work in this area – brought on the past angry people in my life, I shift easier and quicker these days.
Back and Forth. This process for helping someone angry is not a straight line. Anger tends to be an addictive personality type that likes attention. Releasing one’s anger is a to and fro, back and forth, ying and yang experience. People who are angry for a long period of their lives won’t give up the behavioral patten quickly. It’s a process that can take years. Is it worth it? Yes. Free the angry person from the behavioral pattern. Show them the path.
Options Abound. In my teachings, I often quote, “You always have options with everything,” and I mean it. Even with the most difficult, angry people, everyone always has options. Choosing to utilize options is the first step to empowerment. Staying stuck isn’t fun for anyone including an angry person. It is compassionate to become empowered yourself by taking steps to free both of you. Elevating yourself can result in elevating the angry person, too. It’s reciprocal. It’s win-win.
Anger Is A Tool. Anger, in and of itself, isn’t bad. Many people used it as the tool it is to do positive works for the betterment of others. Abraham Lincoln, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, and others have used anger as a positive tool. Because of the anger I experienced, I am using it as a tool for the betterment of many.
We were gifted the emotion of anger from Divine Source. How we use it positively is the gift we give to others.This book written for pre-teens and teens is an excellent resource for parents to open the conversation about anger with their children. It is available on Amazon and is included in Empowering Kids: The Complete Collection https://a.co/d/2z6tGdT.
